Bad Idea
by Zevus
Summary: Wilson drags everybody to a bar in Boston because he wants to win three dollars for catching a group of con artists.


"I don't think this is such a good idea."

Cuddy's voice was weary and uncertain. She, along with Wilson, House, and House's team were standing in front of John McRory's Place, which apparently was a "Bar and Grill."

Despite his bitch's uncertainty, House was determined to get a drink here. Wilson had said that this was one of the best bars around, and House was in the mood for alcohol.

House, Wilson, and Cuddy sat in a corner booth, while Thirteen, Taub, and Chase sat in the one in front of them. Foreman wasn't allowed to sit with the white men.

The bar was fairly full, but the people were scattered around and the tables weren't really being used.

"So." Cuddy said, trying to discreetly shift her ass in a more comfortable position. She failed. "Why exactly are we here?"

"To get a drink."

"Yes, but couldn't we have gotten a drink in a bar in say, New Jersey?"

Wilson put his head down, whispering.

"SPEAK UP."

"Word on the street is that a bunch of con artists reside here. Word also is if we find them, we get cash."

"How much?"

"Three dollars." Wilson beamed.

"So how exactly do we find these criminals?" House tried to sound smart, and he raised an eyebrow for effect. Unfortunately for him, the raising of eyebrow triggered a muscle in his leg, and he spazzed in pain.

A waitress took their orders. This waitress was not one of the con artists they were looking for. She looked about 70, and probably had that amount of lung tumors.

"Your smoking is making me uncomfortable." Chase looked at the waitress. She scowled. "No beer for you."

"What? Why?" Chase whined.

"We don't serve people under the age of 18."

"Isn't the legal age to drink 21?"

"That's what I said. 21. Trying to be smart, bitch?"

Chase's eyes teared up.

"Actually. Ma'am, my 21st birthday was years and years ago."

"What? No. You lie. You have face of baby."

Chase stared down glumly, and fiddled with a napkin.

After the waitress left, Taub got up and was headed to the bathroom when a blonde chick accidentally bumped into him. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"No worries." Taub patted the pockets of his coat. His face fell. "Give me back my wallet."

The blonde stared at him blankly. "What? I don't have your wallet."

Taub took a step forward. "Give me back my fucking wallet. You think you can just pickpocket me like that?"

The blonde took a step back, and turned her head towards the bar area. "NATE! NATE! IT DIDN'T WORK!"

A man about House's age facepalmed.

"GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET."

The blonde took something out of her pocket. "Here."

"This is a coupon for K-Mart."

House decided he should stand up. "What seems to be the problem?"

Cuddy then decided she should stand next to her master and back him up.

The blonde's eyes darted around. "HERE'S HIS WALLET! GO GET IT!" She threw something and looked prepared to run.

Thirteen caught it. "It's another coupon."

"Damnit." The blonde hung her head down. The man she screamed at earlier, who was apparently named Nate, arrived. "I apologize for my daughter's behavior. She's not right-" He tapped his head. "-upstairs."

"What do you MEAN?" The blonde glared at Nate.

A woman with dark hair and tannish skin walked up, and when she thought no one was looking, stared at Nate's crotch.

Everybody was looking.

"Look. All I want is my wallet." Taub seemed irritated.

Wilson nudged House. "Can't you see? _These _people must be the con artists. This must be a setup."

"Con artists? Us? No." The tannish woman talked in such a way that made you want to punch her. "_Parkah_, give the nice short man his wallet."

"Parker" glared at Taub, but eventually reached into her pocket and pulled out a leather wallet. "Do I have to give ALL of their wallets back?"

"wat" was the House crew's only response as they each felt around in their empty pockets.

A burly long haired guy walked up, followed closely by a black dude.

"Yo, Nate. Still want me to hack into the Pentagon-" The black dude stopped in his tracks. "Who be these white people?"

"What were you saying about the Pentagon?" Thirteen squinted suspiciously.

"Er, it has five sides." The black dude drew an invisible pentagon in the air.

Parker had mysteriously disappeared, and the black dude was trying to inch away.

The waitress came back, carrying a tray of beverages. Nate had a crazy look in his eye, and he started to drool.

"None for you, Mr. Ford." The waitress said firmly. "Hello Eliot. You look fine today. Elga like."

She was staring at the burly man suggestively.

Wilson stood up on the table, and House was afraid he was about to strip tease, but instead he started speaking.

"ATTENSHUN. It has come to my attention that-" Wilson counted his fingers. "-FIVE con artists are in this building. I am about to make a citizen's arrest. Do not struggle and do not panic."

* * *

Sophie struggled to help push six tied up bodies into their office. The people's screams were muffled by the duck tape cleverly taped on their mouths. Nate, Hardison, and Eliot were trying to push too.

Parker was already sitting in their office, and didn't seem surprised at the scene. "_WHY_ DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WE WOULD GET TO TORTURE PEOPLE?" She whined. "I would have brought my supplies."

Nate slammed the door shut. He nudged one of the squirming bodies with his foot. Squatting down, he ripped off the duck tape.

House nearly screamed.

"Who are you working for?"

"What?"

"You heard me." Nate got up, and looking at Eliot, he waved his hand, as if to give him permission to beat the shit out of House.

Hardison was going tappity tap at his computer. "Hold on." He turned his laptop. "It says these people be from Jersey, and that they be working at the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. That's dope."

Nate went around and tore the duck tape off of all of them.

Chase gasped. "Please don't kill me, sir. I have a wife."

"You _had_ a wife." Thirteen corrected him.

"Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to save my ass here."

Wilson decided to speak up. "We're reporting you. We know you're con artists."

"WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?" Nate questioned angrily. "Sterling?"

"Who the hell is Sterling?"

"Nevermind."

Nobody noticed that Parker had disappeared until she reappeared in the entrance to the hallway. "Hey guys! If you can't get them to talk, my AK 47 sure will!"

"_Parkah_, put the gun down."

"STFU, Sophie. You're the least liked character on the show, anyway."

"I don't like guns." Eliot stated.

Suddenly, the door opened, and waves of smoke filled the room.

Foreman.

"Yo."

"OH MY GOD, BRO." Chase sounded relieved. "You gotta save us."

Foreman whipped out an identical AK 47. He was wearing sunglasses, and a long black coat.

Badass.

A sphere of light started to form as Foreman and Parker fought to the death.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Cuddy's screams could be heard.

Babies cried in the background.

Old men(aka Nate and House) stared up in amazement.

And finally

With one last bullet

The world imploded.

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.


End file.
